Friendship is the first relationship in your life that you get to choose. And no one likes to make bad choices. From tagging on Facebook memes, to hanging out at the mall, and sleeping over at each other’s place, it is one of the best experiences that life has to offer.
Alas, not all of us are blessed with dependable friends who love us as much as we love them. In fact, some of us are trapped in friendships that are worth nothing. What? You think you might be part of such a dull friendship?
If you’re not sure but do think there’s a chance that your friend is only pretending to be close to you but actually is using you, let’s help you come to a conclusion. Here’s our list of 10 signs your BFF is using you:
1 – She’s not a constant in your life
If your best friend is someone who is not always around then you should doubt her care for you. When we say ‘not around’ we don’t mean physically. Just because she has moved to another country doesn’t mean that she is not a good friend.
We’re talking about emotional distance, as in, the friend who is rarely there when you need her. Someone who is not a constant in your life will pop in and out of your relationship map. One day she’d be your BFF, the next she’d be ghosting you.
2 – She doesn’t do much for you
When a so-called friend is not there to hold you, listen to you or support you when times get tough you know she doesn’t value you. Friendship is sharing emotions and caring for them. If your best-friend-forever is simply unavailable when your life is a mess, its time to question her loyalties.
However, you have to notice this behavior. If there’s a pattern, if she’s always absent when you need her, its clear she is doing it intentionally. On the other hand, a friend who is always there but not this once or twice because she’s caught up in something actually important doesn’t fall in this category.
3 – She uses you every time
Friendship is about give and take. But like in any relationship, if the ‘taking’ gets more than the ‘giving,’ balance is disrupted. A toxic friend will not give you any of her time or support. But she will always take those two from you.
When she’s going through a heartbreak, she’ll jump into your life so that you can wipe away her tears. However, she’ll bail when you need someone to do the same. Similarly, even when it comes to material things she’d use yours but not give hers.
4 – She doesn’t accompany you everywhere
Depending on your popularity status, such a friend will treat you differently. If you are popular, she’ll want to be seen with you. In truth, her intention wouldn’t be to hangout with you but to enter your circle. Because she won’t join you elsewhere on more private and less extravagant experiences.
However, if you are the not-so-popular one, she will not want to be seen with you around her popular friends. In fact, she may even tell those friends that she doesn’t even know you all that much! To make up, she may meet you at more secluded places.
5 – She manipulates and guilt trips you
Another quality of a friend who is not true to you is that she will try to manipulate you. Her tricks will start when you question her or don’t give her what she wants from you. For instance, she may emotionally blackmail you into being there for you.
She may try to fool you into thinking that she hasn’t ever ignored your emotions and merely been in her own problems. This may be true but if you notice a pattern then you know. She may even guilt trip you into being there for her by pointing out some wrong you did in the past.
6 – She doesn’t know much about you
A friend who is only occasionally around and that also only because she needs you at the times she is around, is unlikely to know you too well. She may not know much about your likes or dislikes. But that is not all. She would also not know about your qualities.
Why? Because she simply doesn’t care enough to know you in the first place. In her heart, all that she knows about is are the ways she can use you. So, she may be aware that you are empathetic or soft-hearted which is why she keeps coming back to you.
7 – She backbites about you
Someone who is not your true friend will not care about your reputation. This means behind your back this person will not hesitate in talking against you. She may keep it subtle and just agree with what someone else is saying without using her own words.
Apart from backbiting, sometimes such a person also doesn’t mind being unsupportive of you in public. For instance, if someone else is arguing with you, this toxic friend may openly take his side even though the opposite person is wrong.
8 – You cannot rely on her
Ask yourself, can you count on this person to be there for you? When a calamity hits can you call this person and tell her that you need her? If you don’t think you can rely it is clearly because she is not trustworthy. And trust is what forms the foundation of a friendship.
You cannot count on her because you know she won’t be there for you. You know she wouldn’t add you in her priority list. Or maybe because you’ve heard that this person is not all that good with your secrets. All of these qualities show that the friendship is far from solid.
9 – She compliments you unreasonably
This sign can be difficult to catch. There’s a friend who compliments you constantly because he or she is so impressed and in love. And then there is that friend who compliments even your worst outfit choices and looks. The latter type is probably showering you with fake compliments.
Friends who make fake compliments either aren’t honest with you because they don’t care enough to tell you the harsh truth. Or they simply enjoy your pleasure over doing something ludicrous. Sometimes they also shower you with compliments because they need something out of you.
10 – She isn’t genuinely happy for you
When you succeed in some way, a toxic friend will not be happy for you, at least not genuinely. She’ll do one of three things. One, she may become very jealous and start insulting, avoiding or belittling you. Two, she may copy you and beg you to show her how to do the same.
The second type doesn’t realize that there’s no one formula fits all. Third, she will instantly try to mask her inner jealously by overly praising you and treating you like a superior in a manipulative way. The purpose is to use your new status or to bring you down.
So how many of these signs were you able to check off from the list for the friend you doubt anyway?