Being in a relationship is a blessing, as you have someone to share your highs and lows with. Essentially, you feel loved, respected, valued, and cared for in a healthy relationship. In fact, you have the freedom to be yourself with a partner that loves you for who you are. Such relationships take time to nurture and they are beset with their own lows too.
The other side of the relationship coin is, however, not that bright. In this regard, Ginnie Love Thompson, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in Florida opines, “Every single relationship has a level of toxicity. Nothing is perfect—there’s always some work to be done.” She adds, “If you feel uneasy, you need to stop yourself and ask what the cause is.”
It is safe to say that excess toxicity in a relationship is unhealthy. Such relations can cause more harm than good to you. In certain cases, you might not even be able to pick the symptoms of an unhealthy relationship. So, you will either have work on your companionship or take the bitter pill, and move on.
Here is a look at signs that you are in a toxic relationship:
1. The partner doesn’t take responsibility
Living together means managing things together. This could include anything from doing grocery shopping to doing the laundry. However, if your partner does not take responsibility for any of the work or for, something, that you have requested him/her to do, then that is a red flag. Your partner might be having a stressful week at work but that excuse can only work for a few times. If he comes up with an excuse every time or your repetitive request ignites an argument, then it’s a bad sign.
2. You don’t care for yourself
Self-care is critical for all the people. You work hard and you deserve to pamper yourself, period. However, a toxic relationship prevents you from doing that. This does not necessarily have to do anything with your partner’s loved one. In truth, it’s the effort that you have to pour in such a relation that diverts your attention from self-care. Thompson gives her opinion as she highlights, “A toxic relationship is when you’re not engaging in self-care. Self-care is vital for every relationship to keep toxicity out.”
3. Lots of fighting and screaming
While there is no denying that numerous couples fight but around the clocks fight indicate that your relationship is hitting the toxic mark. This is because there is nothing good to share or agree upon, which is why you end up screaming. Erin Lewis Ballard, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist explains, “If your conflicts are incredibly intense and lead to drastic words or actions, then there is cause for concern.” If you are fine one day but fighting the next day, then it is probably relation that wouldn’t give you anything. If there’s physical violence involved, then there isn’t much guesswork left.
4. You are not comfortable
If you are afraid about discussing critical matters than it is a sign that your relationship is just glittery with no gold. For instance, you don’t feel comfortable about taking about what’s on your mind or you have to hide things to maintain the peace in your relationship. These are telltale signs of a relationship that is not strong at the bottom. Jane Reardon, a therapist based on Los Angeles tells that couples that do not confront their partner to keep matters comfortable aren’t actually being unreal. This is a serious problem.
5. You are not being yourself
A huge red flag is when you are not able to express your viewpoints or hesitate before saying some. This does not mean that you partner beats you up if you question him or argue with him. Such a red flag is evident also when you can’t seem to give your two cents if you are afraid of this emotional reaction. It is also a massive no-no if you end up dumbing things to please your partner and making him feel smart.
6. Physical signs
Your body has a way to express its discomfort in all the situations. For example, if you are stressed, your hair fall out. Likewise, if there’s something in your eye, then the eye starts tearing. Likewise, in a toxic relationship where your partner is controlling, your body gives signals. You may feel that nauseous or dizzy. You can also feel concerns such as ulcers. In this regard, Sofia Milan, a relationship expert elaborates, “if your partner, a friend, or co-worker is the person that comes to mind first, that is a sign that you need to give someone the boot or begin a conversation to mend the problem.”
7. Your partner is excessively possessive
It is really not a good sign if your partner claims that he wants you for himself on the pretext of love. When your partner wants you to break off terms with your family and friends, then it speaks volumes about a toxic relationship. Such an attempt is to break you off from your circle (support system) so that it is easy to manipulate and control you.
8. Constant tug for domination
Another sign of a toxic relationship is being consistently worried about who stays in power. You can understand this better if you view the power balance as a seesaw. Suzanne Lachmann, PsyD explains in an interview. She elaborates, “If both partners understand their power (or are empowered), the seesaw stays relatively level and balanced. But if one person in the relationship has brought in a feeling of powerlessness, he or she may try to compensate by baring down on the seesaw, shifting his or her weight, and perpetually uprooting, destabilizing, or ungrounding his or her partner on the other side.”
9. You are the only one compromising
A clear sign of toxicity is that you are the only one who is compromising all the time. If your partner compromises, he attempts to do so on small matters and claims that he compromises for you. Essentially, this point surfaces when there is a tug of power in the relationship. As your partner wishes to dominate, he will rarely compromise.
A mature relationship is not about being insecure and jealous. This translates into your partner not giving you any personal space. He also wants to be a part of all your plans with your friends and family. He also wants to be informed about your all your friends and other relations. A couples consultant and coach Lesli Doares explains this. She says, “Everything you do must not just include them, but revolve around them. You might find it easier to either lie—and, when your lies are uncovered, everything blows up anyway—or you choose to stop having a life, friends, and interests of your own because the price is too high.”
Wrap up thoughts
There are numerous signs of a toxic relationship. These start from you feeling uncomfortable around your partner and being unable to discuss matters of significance. Excess criticism, emotional blackmails, and interference in your life on the pretext of love. Also, your partner in a toxic relationship is jealous, self-centered, possessive, and demanding as well.